what doesn’t get flourished when care and love is nurtured on it? absolutely, nothing

It all started when I gained admission into the university during the 2008/2009 academic session to study at Enugu State University of Science and Technology (ESUT), Enugu Campus. Like every young girl with dreams and hope for the future, I started school excited and determined. Everything was going smoothly until my final year.

During my final year first semester examinations, a new Vice Chancellor was introduced in the school, and a strict policy was implemented that students must pay their school fees before being allowed to sit for exams. At that time, my father was experiencing delays in salary payment at work, and financially things became very difficult for my family. Unfortunately, my school fees were not paid on time.

Because of this, I missed four examination papers in the first week of my final year exams. Those four papers automatically became carryovers. That moment changed my life completely. That was where my depression story began.

Before then, I was a happy, confident, vibrant young woman. I was full of life, dreams, confidence, and hope

But after that experience, I gradually became a shadow of myself. I lost my confidence, my happiness, and the person I used to be.

This happened around 2013. At first, I tried to act strong and convince myself that everything would eventually be okay. But the pain truly became real when my classmates started going for NYSC while I remained behind because of the carryovers.

Due to the ASUU and internal school strikes, our graduation was postponed to 2014. Although my set graduated officially in 2014, deep down I knew I had not truly graduated with them because I still had outstanding papers.

In 2015, my mates began going for NYSC in batches. Watching them move on with life while I remained stuck broke me deeply. That was when I realized the emotional weight of everything I was carrying.

I kept returning to school year after year to rewrite those papers.

In 2015, I rewrote the exams and passed only one paper.

In 2016, I returned again, but I noticed that some of my results were incomplete and missing. I did not understand what was happening anymore. I felt frustrated, confused, and mentally exhausted.

I continued going back repeatedly, hoping for a breakthrough, but each year came with more disappointment and emotional pain.

By 2017, I became tired and discouraged academically, so I decided to learn hairdressing. Along the line, I also tried learning fashion designing and sewing. Unfortunately, I could not complete any of them because in 2018 my father encouraged me to return to school and finish what I had started.

So I went back again in 2018.

That period became one of the most painful seasons of my life.

Unknown to me, I had already developed chronic depression. I was emotionally overwhelmed and mentally exhausted. Traveling from Lagos to Enugu repeatedly every year became traumatic for me. I stayed with my sister at the time, but internally I was breaking apart.

I became overstimulated, emotionally drained, and hopeless. I constantly wished for death. Many nights, I prayed to sleep and never wake up again. I knew something was terribly wrong with my mental health, but I did not know how to deal with it.

One particular day in July 2018, after another exhausting experience in school, I was returning home in a public bus crying uncontrollably. At that moment, I felt like life was over for me.

On July 30th, 2018, I bought Sniper insecticide with the intention of ending my life.

The next day, July 31st, which was also my birthday, I made up my mind to commit suicide. I told myself I could not continue living in pain, disappointment, shame, and hopelessness.

Before leaving, I wrote a long message to my father apologizing for being a “bad daughter.” I told him I was sorry for wasting his money all those years since he sent me to the university in 2009 and I still could not complete my education successfully.

My father encouraged me and told me not to worry, that everything would eventually be okay. But internally, I had already made up my mind.

I uploaded one of my favorite pictures on my WhatsApp status and wrote “RIP Ngozi.”

People saw the status and immediately became alarmed.

I took my phone and the Sniper and went to a secluded place intending to drink it. But suddenly, my phone started ringing nonstop. Calls kept pouring in from different people. I had never experienced anything like that in my life before.

Finally, I answered one of the calls.

That call saved my life.

That day, God gave me a second chance.

Looking back now, I truly believe God rescued me because I was fully prepared to go through with it.

Before this incident, I had belonged to a WhatsApp group where I met several amazing people. Through conversations around depression and emotional struggles, I connected with someone who later became a great support system in my life.

We connected, spoke occasionally, and eventually a group called “Be Inspired” was created where people encouraged one another, shared inspirational messages, and supported themselves emotionally.

After my suicide attempt, he and several others reached out to me consistently. He took time to talk with me, assess my emotional state, and support me mentally. During that season, I realized that what I was truly battling was not just academic delay, but my mental health.

Meeting him became one of the greatest blessings of my life.

Today, I call him my mentor because he still checks on me regularly to make sure I am mentally and emotionally okay. His name is Mr Olasunkanmi Olaigbe.

This is my suicide survival story.

One day, I hope to stand before a room filled with teenagers and young adults and share this story openly. I want people to know that depression is real, emotional pain is real, and hopelessness can make people silently battle dangerous thoughts.

But I also want people to know that survival is possible.

I believe someday I will share this story on bigger platforms and stages, and it will inspire people who feel forgotten, delayed, broken, or hopeless.

I survived for a reason.

And I cannot wait to use my story to help others heal too.

A King had a male servant who, in all circumstances always said to him; My king, do not be discouraged because everything God does is perfect, no mistakes.

One day, they went hunting and a wild animal attacked the king, the servant managed to kill the animal but couldn’t prevent his majesty from losing a finger. Furious and without showing gratitude, the King said; if God was good, I would not have been attacked and lost one finger. The servant replied, ‘despite all these things, I can only tell you that God is good and everything He does is perfect, He is never wrong’.

Outraged by the response, the king ordered the arrest of his servant. While being taken to prison, he told the king again, God is Good & Perfect. Another day, the king left alone for another hunt and was captured by savages who use human beings for sacrifice. On the altar, the savages found out that the king didn’t have one finger in place, he was released because he was considered not “complete” to be offered to the gods. On his return to the palace, he ordered the release of his servant and said; My friend, God was really good to me. I was almost killed but for lack of a single finger, I was let go.

But I have a question; If God is so good, why did He allow me to put you in prison? His servant replied; My king, if I had not been put in prison, I would have gone with you, and would have been sacrificed, because I have no missing finger. Everything God does is perfect, He is never wrong. Often we complain about life, and the negative things that happen to us, forgetting that everything happens for a purpose. God knows why you are reading this message today, please bless someone with it by sharing it.

God is good and perfect!! My dear friend, a good attitude will determine your altitude. When you look at your life, career, job or family life, what do you say? Do you praise God?

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